Is it okay for my 16year son and 15year daughter to share a bedroom? A 2-bedroom apartment is too expensive where we currently live. Should we change cities so our teens can have their own bedroom?
Considering the space constraints that you’ve mentioned in here, the only way I see a resolution is mentioned below, consider these the “non-negotiable set of rules” which the teenagers need to follow.
No and I repeat NO bargaining to be entertained here.
The hormones do the decision making at this age so it is better to be safe than sorry!
My sister and I shared a room most of our child lives.
When we got to be this age we pretty much demanded our own space and our parents had to buy a new house that they couldn’t afford at the time.
That’s life when you have kids.
In many places teen kids of the opposite sex sharing a room isn’t legal.
It’s not fair to your kids.
They might get along and share space just fine.
It’s equally possible that they will end up hating each other and run away.
It’s equally possible that you’ll end up the wrong kind of grandparent.
There are reasons this isn’t okay.
Kids are kids.
Teens are teens.
People are people.
Your kids aren’t lusting after each other but they’re both in the midst of teenage hormones.
Running into each other doing personal things all the time, catching each other doing private things because there’s no privacy.
Seriously man this is how bad porn movies start and your kids shouldn’t have to deal with this situation.
Put your son in the living room if you have to.
Move to a lower cost neighborhood if you have to.
Let your kids be kids.
You’re basically asking them to be married and not have sex.
That’s adult life.
If you can change cities and accommodate your kids’ requirements, there’s nothing better.
Even in your city, you are rent an apartment.
Your kids are teenagers, and even if they don’t express it, they need their privacy.
Its both a physical and emotional requirement and personal space in any manner will only help them.
My views may not be popular, but I believe that even if your kids are comfortable or okay with the arrangement, its better to give them their own space.
Growing up, respecting each others’ space and privacy is a requirement.
The sooner kids learn that, the better.
If shifting is not an immediate option, you can still try other options.
I’ve seen houses where a daughter or son is allotted a portion of the living area.
Or you can have a common room for the kids where they study or work together, but only one is allowed to sleep.
You may need a separate bed for the other child.
Hello, every parents dilemma is this due to the prevailing social situations and lonliness arising from the lack of à sport and mental activity.
Are both of them sexually aware ? If not, that's the step 1.
Have they heard about incest yet? If not do take your time to assess.
Meanwhile, let them know the values of bro-sis relationship.
Please underline their focus on individual excellence.
Then the team work to achieve results.
Do make them realise their physical boundaries with respect to each other.
By the way the mother( read wife) would have already done that with your daughter.
Read them stories of brother sister relationships from the Ramayana & Mahabharata whenever possible.
These steps might just enable you both to figure out the next steps.
Figure out your confidence and trust in your children – individually! Best wishes.
Oh, by the way try and disable physical attacks on each other to drive home the point that what can be done physically is harmful to the other.
You seem to have a perverted opinion of relationships and a total lack of trust in your children due to your own low mental level.
You are the type who thinks that just because a brother and sister have reached the age of puberty, they will jump into bed and do what your perverted mind would like to believe.
Hundreds of families have similar problems and manage to live together happily and without fear.
Such thoughts never even enter their minds because of their true and genuine love and trust.
If your kids wanted to behave wantonly, they could do it even if they had an entire house each for themselves.
You are in need of psychological care.
instead of running away or looking for other accommodation, spend some money to cleanse your filthy mind.
Since your from India, I'm sure you will be aware that there are lot of families who stay in one room place or better known as 1 RK.
And they stay peacefully and happily too.
Back to your question, your currently staying in a 1bhk? So where do all of ull ie u, ur wife and two kids slp? Your question actually doesn't make sense!
Secondly, since ur a father of a 16 n 15 year old kids, you will be aware that relocating cost money.
And relocating means you and/or your wife will be jobless till you find a suitable job.
And since you want a 2bhk and want to shift to a cheaper city, what about job opportunities fr u and education facilities for your kids? I'm sure ur mature enough to think this through rather than behaving like a teenager who wants a 2bhk!
Ur kids will soon go to college, if it's in a different state, they would be in a hostel! So your problem will be solved anyways!
Man, you should give them their personal private space.
I don't want you to regret later for something happened.
You should get their private space or should talk to them about how they shouldn't be doing things like romance and sex.
Believe me, they are not a state where they can understand what and how things works.
If you don't take care of this on highest priority, they might end up victim, which will haunt them for whole life.
My only concern is their age, where it is highly driven by chemical changes in body which won't let anyone sit ideal.
Please do understand that and people might call you pervert, those people are of sick mind, just ignore them and get this thing done in any which way.
It depends upon how friendly they are.
Do u differentiate between both of them more than necessary? Since thats one of the main reason for sibling rivalry.
Kids at that age seek recognisation ,fame.
Its not cake walk to share a room with opposite gender,but also not hard when both are mature enough.
I suggest changing city to be kept as last option.
First talk with both of them and try to know what issues they are facing due to sharing bedroom.
Tell both of them to respect each other.
Tell your son about pms and mood swings that he should be aware of.
I knew many families where bro sis share room until their graduation.
They are fine with it.
Dont let incest thought in your mind.
Thats rare and goes away with time.
Make them follow few rules for a healthy relationship.
WISH things were that easy.
your shifting to a new city will mean the change of job and business as well.
wish things were that easy.
it would be any parents dream to provide a seperate room to their kids but i feel that takes away the much desired quality of adjustment from the youth.
next they will want a seperate house, and you would desire to give that too, so will you change the planet?.
let them be and suppose they want a seperate room or a house let them earn.
buy a house and move nobody prevents.
this shall give them some responsibility too.
they must understand that things are not so easy.
they are better than so many who have a roof over their head and a place to sleep .
many dont possess even this much.
atleast i am against.
HOPE THIS HELPS.
They are both post adolescent stages, and need privacy for various reasons.
We had a single bedroom for them which we divided into two with bunk beds on top and cupboards and desk below.
It was not ideal, but served the purpose of providing privacy.
Hanging a curtain may help a bit.
Another alternative is to consider moving to the outskirts where homes are cheaper.
If nothing is possible, then continue with status quo, but make sure each of you is in regular touch with the children to ensure their continued comfort levels with the arrangements as they stand and as they grow.
Sorry I know this is probably not what you want to hear, but I also understand the financial constraints.
Keep in mind that kids from poorer families grow up with even less privacy, so it's all relative.
Maybe this is something you should decide with your children.
They are at the age that can understand your financial problem to buy a house in that area where it is expensive.
But before you tell them that, ask a question if they need a separate room? If yes then act like you are happy about it (while yes teenagers make parents use a lot of money, they also feel extremely guilty about it) and begin making your plans accordingly.
Btw do they get along? By getting along I don't mean tolerating each other but do they truly get along? If they do, then you can wait a bit , save more money to buy a better house for them.
Yes why not.
I am 24 and i have an elder brother.
And i left my house at the age of 22.
We shared a room until i moved out and there is nothing awkward and wrong with it.
Just make sure they are not the kinds of siblings who fight till they die lol.
Because young kids might have problems sharing as their privacy gets hindered.
So its better if you sit with your teen kids on a table, draw a list of pros and cons in living where you already are.
If the place you already live in has better facilities, have easy access to everything and is closer to school and your work place.
i don’t think shifting would be a better option.
Just involve your kids in decision making, tell them whats on your mind, ask them their views, prioritise what is more important in life and come to a conclusion.
Yes I don’t find anything wrong with that.
I am 24 and i shared a Room with my elder brother until 2years back.
You just have to make sure that both of them are fine with sharing their privacy and shouldn’t kill each other in a fight because TEEN SIBLINGS.
However, i think you should have a discussion with them, put all the facts on the table like you can’t afford a bigger apartment, if it’s impossible for both of you to share a room we might need to change the cities and list all pros n cons and come to a conclusion that is beneficial for the family, financially n otherwise.
If you involve them in this discussion it would be better for the final outcome!
There's nothing wrong with that , but it's better to give a separate room for girl as she needs privacy.
As far as boy is concerned he can sleep in the hall if he wants .
But if it is not in your budget don't spend on it ,boys can adjust wherever they want but girls cannot.
Hope it helps you
They are at an age where they are turning into young adults (without the control and wisdom which comes with it) It is a time when they need their privacy.
As parents it's necessary that they are not put in a position where they are embarrassed.
If it's financially possible it would be a good idea to relocate.
You should trust your children but as responsible adults and parents it's upto us to make sure that they remain safe.
So u r staying in 1 bedroom apartment right now then where u and ur wife sleep in night? I guess u all r together sleeping in same room then what's the issue.
U can make both stay in the same room that's not a problem at all.
9 percent girls don't like incest they won't allow.
U don't ve to bother do much nothing will ever happen
its how you want to see your children grow.
do u want to grow them as 2 different individuals as per priorities or you want them to be a single soul and be the best brother and sister in the world
try to get rid of typical indian mentality, you will feel good
Yes it is okay if they are comfortable with each other.
If they don't have any problem then you don't have to change your city.
If they are uncomfortable then you should teach them how to live with each other.
They should share their bed as they are brother-sister.
They need to learn how to live together and as you told it is too expensive so make them understand about living together.
It will also save your money:-).
I don't wish to get into your financial decisions.
Its all your decision, as they are your kids for whom you spent time, energy, efforts and at times did so many sacrifices.
Let your kids flourish like others.
Sharing a bedroom is their decision and they know what they need to do.
At the same time, you know how the surrounding world is and you know what you keep hearing about.